Have you been should on lately?

In other words, has someone said to you: 

You should have done this.

or

You should have done that. 

Usually by the time someone is shoulding on you, you already know what the issue was and you shoulded on yourself before they even got to you. To compound the frustration of shoulding, I find it is typically unsolicited. 

If we don’t like to be should on, then why do we should on others? 

Shoulding on someone usually makes us feel smarter. It confirms our knowledge. It puts authority into our words and validates our leadership and worldliness.

Or does it?

Does a great leader (teacher, parent, boss, sibling) do a lot of shoulding? Think of the people whom you admire and seek advice from. Do they should on you? My mentors rarely should on me. Instead they ask the right questions and help me solve the problem without any shoulding taking place. A great leader has the ability to build trust and redirect missteps. They are able to lead their team effectively because their feedback is constructive (and not a shoulding session). Those that should on me tend to make me feel less than I am and as a result I steer clear of them and any conversations that could warrant a shoulding session. 

The stinking truth is: We have all should on someone at some point and I’m sure we will again in the future. Does that warrant us to be shoulders? No! Being aware of the easy tendency to should is an awakening. When you learn to redirect that energy into a constructive interaction it will take you from being a leader to being a great leader. 

The ability to not-should is premeditated and practiced. So I encourage you to think about how you can effectively lead without pointing out someone’s errors. Trust me, I’m sure they already know of their own shortcomings. Instead, ask the right questions so they come to the solutions for themselves. Great leaders can still make the corrections in their teams without shoulding all over the place. 

Not to mention, shoulding stinks nor is it fun to clean up! 

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